Good evening Katherine
How are you? Long time no blog. I am totally useless at this. First of all I wanted to say how utterly proud I am of you and all that you achieved at the Wear it again ball. It was an incredible night and you raised a lot of money for 2 amazing charities. I had the best time but next time I promise to spend more time dancing with you. I love our photo. I feel like everyone should see it, we look hot! 18 year old Emma and Kat would be impressed with our level of hotness.
I hope little baby Everything is feeling better than she was. Snotty grotty babies are such hard work. Poor little loves. Dylan is still so disgusting when he is snotty. Yukky. He feels the need to cover everyone and everything in his produce. Bleugh.
What is new with you? I think me and Dylan are going on an adventure to Stafford tomorrow. There is a shop called Flying Tiger that has just opened there and I am obsessed with it and NEED to visit so I am dragging him along too. I think I'll take him to the Soup Kitchen for lunch too because it is so lovely.
Lots of love
Your Bestie xxx
Sunday, 30 October 2016
Wednesday, 21 September 2016
20th September
Yo.
We're not the best that this blogging ting, huh? But when we actually do blog it's pretty good stuff. We rock. I don't think I tell you that I love you enough. I do. I love you lots. You're my bestie and you're fabulous.
So Brangelina are no more. It's so sad. Why can't hollywood types keep it together?! I don't even think there are any couples to look up to anymore... Oh hang on, that's not true. Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, Tom and Gi Fletcher and Dawn O'Porter and Chris O'Dowd. We can look up to them!!
Talking of Dawn O'Porter and my incredible, all consuming love of her... She has a new podcast called "Get it on" and it is really good. Yeah, yeah, I am obsessed with podcasts, whatever. It's her talking to another "celeb" about their style. It is a really good listen. The latest one is with Jason Segel, he seems like a really lovely chap.
I am sooooooo excited about seeing you. And yeah, it has been a while since we've been out!! Weddings and hen dos don't count (mainly because I was pregnant for yours) so it must have been 2011 at least!! That is NOT cool dudette. We are shite at this!! So as a result, expect your time to monopolised by me at the ball. I am sorry (I'm not) but it is only fair.
I am very emosh at the moment and worried about the next few months. I know this time of year will be hard and I am sure it is the same for you. Today last year was when we went to Center Parcs for the first time and Eilys was trying to roll over and she was nearly sitting unaided. Honestly it hurts my heart to think about it. I have such vivid memories of encouraging her to roll in front of the sliding doors in the center parcs villa and being so super proud of her and then she just stopped when we got back. I feel guilty because we joked a lot that she couldn't be bothered and that she worked out that she'd be on her tummy and didn't want to roll. It all stabs and makes my eyes sting. A big part of me is still very much in the "why her?" stage because you know, why? She was loved and she was so wanted and other people don't love their babies and don't want them (and I in no way want this to happen to anyone else but you know, why Eilys?) Sorry. I am just rambling.
You are right though, there is a time for wallowing and that time is now I suppose.
Anyway I am going to *try* to make Dylan nap (oh god, he NEEEEEEDS a nap today)
All my love and shit
Yo' Bestie
P.S. by "love and shit" I mean love and stuff not faeces xx
We're not the best that this blogging ting, huh? But when we actually do blog it's pretty good stuff. We rock. I don't think I tell you that I love you enough. I do. I love you lots. You're my bestie and you're fabulous.
So Brangelina are no more. It's so sad. Why can't hollywood types keep it together?! I don't even think there are any couples to look up to anymore... Oh hang on, that's not true. Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, Tom and Gi Fletcher and Dawn O'Porter and Chris O'Dowd. We can look up to them!!
Talking of Dawn O'Porter and my incredible, all consuming love of her... She has a new podcast called "Get it on" and it is really good. Yeah, yeah, I am obsessed with podcasts, whatever. It's her talking to another "celeb" about their style. It is a really good listen. The latest one is with Jason Segel, he seems like a really lovely chap.
I am sooooooo excited about seeing you. And yeah, it has been a while since we've been out!! Weddings and hen dos don't count (mainly because I was pregnant for yours) so it must have been 2011 at least!! That is NOT cool dudette. We are shite at this!! So as a result, expect your time to monopolised by me at the ball. I am sorry (I'm not) but it is only fair.
I am very emosh at the moment and worried about the next few months. I know this time of year will be hard and I am sure it is the same for you. Today last year was when we went to Center Parcs for the first time and Eilys was trying to roll over and she was nearly sitting unaided. Honestly it hurts my heart to think about it. I have such vivid memories of encouraging her to roll in front of the sliding doors in the center parcs villa and being so super proud of her and then she just stopped when we got back. I feel guilty because we joked a lot that she couldn't be bothered and that she worked out that she'd be on her tummy and didn't want to roll. It all stabs and makes my eyes sting. A big part of me is still very much in the "why her?" stage because you know, why? She was loved and she was so wanted and other people don't love their babies and don't want them (and I in no way want this to happen to anyone else but you know, why Eilys?) Sorry. I am just rambling.
You are right though, there is a time for wallowing and that time is now I suppose.
Anyway I am going to *try* to make Dylan nap (oh god, he NEEEEEEDS a nap today)
All my love and shit
Yo' Bestie
P.S. by "love and shit" I mean love and stuff not faeces xx
Saturday, 17 September 2016
17th September
Dear Bestie
Have I told you lately that I love you? I think I probably have, but no harm in saying it again. I think what you're doing - fundraising for ACT for SMA - is amazing. And so are you.
Not long to go until the ball now and I'm just waiting for something to go catastrophically wrong. Like, the caterer to pull out, or the venue to burn down or something. Other than that, I think it's going to be a great night. I hope it's long enough! We're only allowed to go until 11pm (and then we have to tidy up before we leave) so it's really only 4 hours, of which at least 1.5 hours will be spent eating, which seems a waste when there's dancing to be done! I haven't got to the point where ever
My time I think about it I want to throw up, but I'm pretty sure that's the next phase. At least we know there's going to be enough people there to make it a party. We should raise at least £1000 for each charity. I would like more!! I really wanted to raise £4000 total. But you never know, the raffle could be hugely popular.
I was just watching Evelyn, palm to the window, gazing at the dog. Their relationship reminds me of me and a certain curly haired boy, first term of uni. She is besotted. Lyra keeps trying to hide. Evelyn keeps laughing at everything Lyra does, even though it's not funny (like licking her privates). I'm sure Lyra's doing these things to try and put Evelyn off, but it's not working. The heart wants what it wants, while it wants it.
Agh, I'm so excited for a night out with you! I literally can't remember the last time we had a night out. It must be pre-babies, so maybe it was my wedding? In which case that's four years ago. And it doesn't really count because I was preoccupied with wedding stuff.
How are your wasp stings now?
Sorry this is a crap post. My head is all over the place!
Love you,
Kat xxx
Have I told you lately that I love you? I think I probably have, but no harm in saying it again. I think what you're doing - fundraising for ACT for SMA - is amazing. And so are you.
Not long to go until the ball now and I'm just waiting for something to go catastrophically wrong. Like, the caterer to pull out, or the venue to burn down or something. Other than that, I think it's going to be a great night. I hope it's long enough! We're only allowed to go until 11pm (and then we have to tidy up before we leave) so it's really only 4 hours, of which at least 1.5 hours will be spent eating, which seems a waste when there's dancing to be done! I haven't got to the point where ever
My time I think about it I want to throw up, but I'm pretty sure that's the next phase. At least we know there's going to be enough people there to make it a party. We should raise at least £1000 for each charity. I would like more!! I really wanted to raise £4000 total. But you never know, the raffle could be hugely popular.
I was just watching Evelyn, palm to the window, gazing at the dog. Their relationship reminds me of me and a certain curly haired boy, first term of uni. She is besotted. Lyra keeps trying to hide. Evelyn keeps laughing at everything Lyra does, even though it's not funny (like licking her privates). I'm sure Lyra's doing these things to try and put Evelyn off, but it's not working. The heart wants what it wants, while it wants it.
Agh, I'm so excited for a night out with you! I literally can't remember the last time we had a night out. It must be pre-babies, so maybe it was my wedding? In which case that's four years ago. And it doesn't really count because I was preoccupied with wedding stuff.
How are your wasp stings now?
Sorry this is a crap post. My head is all over the place!
Love you,
Kat xxx
Thursday, 1 September 2016
1st September
Dear Bestie
Oops, I left this a while! Bad friend!! I guess I have been busy? Who knows. Mum life tends to blur the days.
Tomorrow we have a meeting with Eilys' consultant at Alder Hey. I am nervous. For starters I feel like I want to give him a gift to say thank you but nothing seems appropriate. He was so brilliant and caring the whole time and he made himself so available to us. Honestly, he went above and beyond all the time. But I feel like "thanks here's some chocolates" just doesn't really cut it, you know? I was thinking of making a donation to Alder Hey but that seem a bit impersonal. Ugh!
As you know I just finished reading "Carry On" by Rainbow Rowell. I loved it. It was just lovely. Plus it was nice reading a story with gay lead characters. I enjoyed it. I think you get the point. Then I was feeling like I needed more Rainbow Rowell in my life and so listened to the "Eleanor and Park" audiobook. It is such a beautiful book. It's one of those books that I just loved every page. I was Eleanor at school, well sort of. My family life wasn't messed up like hers but everything else rings true. And I had my own Park. Well, a version of him. A crap, nobhead version. But anyway. My only issue with Rainbow Rowell is she leaves her stories. She just stops writing. It drives me mental. I know that's the point but still it is basically abuse.
What else do you know? How is my favourite southerner doing? (Evelyn, obvs) (you're not classed as a southerner) (I think of you as a Eastener) I am glad you are watching the Bake Off this year. I'd love to do it but I would be awful. Paul and Mary would come over to my bench and I'd bite their heads off and then I'd spend the rest of my time trying to befriend Mel and Sue. Obviously they'd love me and then we'd do the Mel, Sue and Emma Show... Haha!
Anyways beautiful, I will reply quicker next time.
Love your face
Emma
xx
Oops, I left this a while! Bad friend!! I guess I have been busy? Who knows. Mum life tends to blur the days.
Tomorrow we have a meeting with Eilys' consultant at Alder Hey. I am nervous. For starters I feel like I want to give him a gift to say thank you but nothing seems appropriate. He was so brilliant and caring the whole time and he made himself so available to us. Honestly, he went above and beyond all the time. But I feel like "thanks here's some chocolates" just doesn't really cut it, you know? I was thinking of making a donation to Alder Hey but that seem a bit impersonal. Ugh!
As you know I just finished reading "Carry On" by Rainbow Rowell. I loved it. It was just lovely. Plus it was nice reading a story with gay lead characters. I enjoyed it. I think you get the point. Then I was feeling like I needed more Rainbow Rowell in my life and so listened to the "Eleanor and Park" audiobook. It is such a beautiful book. It's one of those books that I just loved every page. I was Eleanor at school, well sort of. My family life wasn't messed up like hers but everything else rings true. And I had my own Park. Well, a version of him. A crap, nobhead version. But anyway. My only issue with Rainbow Rowell is she leaves her stories. She just stops writing. It drives me mental. I know that's the point but still it is basically abuse.
What else do you know? How is my favourite southerner doing? (Evelyn, obvs) (you're not classed as a southerner) (I think of you as a Eastener) I am glad you are watching the Bake Off this year. I'd love to do it but I would be awful. Paul and Mary would come over to my bench and I'd bite their heads off and then I'd spend the rest of my time trying to befriend Mel and Sue. Obviously they'd love me and then we'd do the Mel, Sue and Emma Show... Haha!
Anyways beautiful, I will reply quicker next time.
Love your face
Emma
xx
Wednesday, 10 August 2016
10th August
Dear Bestie
Sorry I haven't written in a while - I went to Dorset last week to stay with my aunts and I didn't take my computer with me. How are you? I think about you a lot. Sometimes I look at Evelyn and I think 'oh, that looks like an Eilys smile!' I guess maybe it's a general baby girl smile - I don't think our girls share DNA (not going to rule it out, since we do have the same brain) - but it makes me both happy and sad to remember Eilys and I can't imagine how it makes you feel. There were lots of butterflies in Dorset. They seemed happy. I don't know how you can tell the emotional state of a butterfly, but surely if they're not happy they probably sit in and watch Netflix like everyone else.
As for wallowing, yes, absolutely. I have a copy of my labour notes from Brandon's delivery and I read them every now and again, which only upsets me. But I like the reminder that it happened and it was real. Mourning him always makes me feel closer to him, which is a sorry state of affairs, but sometimes it's just what I need. You have to be selfish right now and do whatever gets you through the day. What you're going through is impossible. The fact that you get yourself out of bed in the morning is to your credit.
Did you have fun at your parents'? I had such a nice time in Dorset, largely because it was like an all inclusive holiday. No cooking, no cleaning, no nagging. Oh, for a life without nagging. Any advice on that front?
I feel like we should have a theme to this blog. Like, which TV show has your day been most like. Or something easier. My day has been like some really boring documentary. Doctors. Dentist. Swimming. Flyering for the ball. Even a fly on the best, comfiest wall in town would go elsewhere for better viewing.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the long pause and I love you lots.
Speak soon,
Kat xxxxx
Sorry I haven't written in a while - I went to Dorset last week to stay with my aunts and I didn't take my computer with me. How are you? I think about you a lot. Sometimes I look at Evelyn and I think 'oh, that looks like an Eilys smile!' I guess maybe it's a general baby girl smile - I don't think our girls share DNA (not going to rule it out, since we do have the same brain) - but it makes me both happy and sad to remember Eilys and I can't imagine how it makes you feel. There were lots of butterflies in Dorset. They seemed happy. I don't know how you can tell the emotional state of a butterfly, but surely if they're not happy they probably sit in and watch Netflix like everyone else.
As for wallowing, yes, absolutely. I have a copy of my labour notes from Brandon's delivery and I read them every now and again, which only upsets me. But I like the reminder that it happened and it was real. Mourning him always makes me feel closer to him, which is a sorry state of affairs, but sometimes it's just what I need. You have to be selfish right now and do whatever gets you through the day. What you're going through is impossible. The fact that you get yourself out of bed in the morning is to your credit.
Did you have fun at your parents'? I had such a nice time in Dorset, largely because it was like an all inclusive holiday. No cooking, no cleaning, no nagging. Oh, for a life without nagging. Any advice on that front?
I feel like we should have a theme to this blog. Like, which TV show has your day been most like. Or something easier. My day has been like some really boring documentary. Doctors. Dentist. Swimming. Flyering for the ball. Even a fly on the best, comfiest wall in town would go elsewhere for better viewing.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the long pause and I love you lots.
Speak soon,
Kat xxxxx
Monday, 1 August 2016
1st August
Dear Bestie,
How are you diddling? I'm at my parent's gaff for a few days with Dylan. I've been catching up with friends and picking fruit and eating naughty food. I'm feeling a bit "wallowy in misery" tonight. Do you get that? Like I'm purposely thinking about things just to upset me. I don't know if it's cathartic, it feels a bit self destructive. I'm thinking that the last time I was here, so was Eilys and it was her 1st birthday and it was all happy and lovely. And coincidentally today last year we were here as a family too. It makes me feel quite empty and so sad.
I have been out and about for the last few days and just dreading bumping into people. Seeing that woman and explaining what had happened with Eilys was tough but looking back, it was a little comical. She said something about Dylan's curls and then said "how's the baby doing?" And my (knee jerk but awful) response was "oh she died". I honestly can't even explain why I didn't sugar coat. Her face! Oh dear. I felt, still feel, awful. To her credit she was lovely and gave me a hug but probably thought I was a bit nutty or just insensitive.
That is awful that people think it's ok to be so rude and insensitive to you about Brandon. Ugh. People suck sometimes. I think Thumper's Mum got it so right. If you don't have anything nice to say then shut the fuck up. I'm dread people asking when will we try again or are we over it yet. First off, my sex life is my business! Secondly, no I'm not over Eilys nor will I ever be. Grrr.
Off topic.... I bought the Harry Potter script book today. I have no idea why. I have already accidentally read 3 spoilers (well, the first one was a mistake and the rest was me just reading spoilers). I have zero self control when it comes to these things. I'm an idiot. But I still haven't managed to read more than a chapter of a book since getting pregnant with Eilys so there is hope. Seriously why does pregnancy make it impossible for me to read?? I just can't concentrate on the words at all.
Anyway it's late and I'm rambling.
Big love and muchos hugs
Emma xxx
How are you diddling? I'm at my parent's gaff for a few days with Dylan. I've been catching up with friends and picking fruit and eating naughty food. I'm feeling a bit "wallowy in misery" tonight. Do you get that? Like I'm purposely thinking about things just to upset me. I don't know if it's cathartic, it feels a bit self destructive. I'm thinking that the last time I was here, so was Eilys and it was her 1st birthday and it was all happy and lovely. And coincidentally today last year we were here as a family too. It makes me feel quite empty and so sad.
I have been out and about for the last few days and just dreading bumping into people. Seeing that woman and explaining what had happened with Eilys was tough but looking back, it was a little comical. She said something about Dylan's curls and then said "how's the baby doing?" And my (knee jerk but awful) response was "oh she died". I honestly can't even explain why I didn't sugar coat. Her face! Oh dear. I felt, still feel, awful. To her credit she was lovely and gave me a hug but probably thought I was a bit nutty or just insensitive.
That is awful that people think it's ok to be so rude and insensitive to you about Brandon. Ugh. People suck sometimes. I think Thumper's Mum got it so right. If you don't have anything nice to say then shut the fuck up. I'm dread people asking when will we try again or are we over it yet. First off, my sex life is my business! Secondly, no I'm not over Eilys nor will I ever be. Grrr.
Off topic.... I bought the Harry Potter script book today. I have no idea why. I have already accidentally read 3 spoilers (well, the first one was a mistake and the rest was me just reading spoilers). I have zero self control when it comes to these things. I'm an idiot. But I still haven't managed to read more than a chapter of a book since getting pregnant with Eilys so there is hope. Seriously why does pregnancy make it impossible for me to read?? I just can't concentrate on the words at all.
Anyway it's late and I'm rambling.
Big love and muchos hugs
Emma xxx
Saturday, 30 July 2016
30th July
Dear Bestie
Contouring, hey? Can't say I've tried it. I have been impressed with your lipsticks, though - that coral sort of colour really suits you! The most I run to these days is primer, which I use as under-eye concealer, and if it's a really special occasion, mascara. With or without those things, I will always look like I've got two black eyes. I hope Evelyn doesn't inherit that from me.
I was thinking about you this morning, and wondering how you're doing. It sucks that you still have to explain about Eilys, but I guess it would also be horrible if nobody ever asked. Last year I went to a conference that if all had gone to plan with Brandon I wouldn't have gone to. Three people said to me 'hey, you're a mum now!' and I had to say 'no, it didn't work out' (even though I am Brandon's mum, but that's not what they meant). I had already told one of these guys by email that Brandon was stillborn, so I was really upset that it meant so little to him that he'd already forgotten. But not so upset as when he then asked me 'are you over it now?'. What kind of question is that? I barely know this guy! Surely the more appropriate question - if there had to be a question at all - would have been 'how are you doing now?'. People can be so insensitive because they have absolutely no idea what it would feel like to lose someone so precious. And I guess that's a good thing. We wouldn't wish it on anyone. And we're strong, so we'll cope with the idiots as and when they present themselves.
I went shopping today, even though I'm not supposed to be spending money. I meant to find myself a top with a gift voucher I got for my birthday, but I ended up spending it on clothes for Evelyn. I need to get into Quidco like you - then I can have free stuff too! I have been selling some stuff on ebay, so hopefully at some point that will add up to a top :) My mum made me a lovely teal maxi skirt from jersey material, but I don't seem to have anything that goes with it. She's so good at making things. I'm a bit gutted I never learnt to sew - but I guess it's never too late! Going into some of those shops was like travelling back in time. The clothes racks are basically the same as they were in the 90s and I could only afford a nail varnish.
Hope you're having a good weekend. Love you big time,
Kat xxx
Contouring, hey? Can't say I've tried it. I have been impressed with your lipsticks, though - that coral sort of colour really suits you! The most I run to these days is primer, which I use as under-eye concealer, and if it's a really special occasion, mascara. With or without those things, I will always look like I've got two black eyes. I hope Evelyn doesn't inherit that from me.
I was thinking about you this morning, and wondering how you're doing. It sucks that you still have to explain about Eilys, but I guess it would also be horrible if nobody ever asked. Last year I went to a conference that if all had gone to plan with Brandon I wouldn't have gone to. Three people said to me 'hey, you're a mum now!' and I had to say 'no, it didn't work out' (even though I am Brandon's mum, but that's not what they meant). I had already told one of these guys by email that Brandon was stillborn, so I was really upset that it meant so little to him that he'd already forgotten. But not so upset as when he then asked me 'are you over it now?'. What kind of question is that? I barely know this guy! Surely the more appropriate question - if there had to be a question at all - would have been 'how are you doing now?'. People can be so insensitive because they have absolutely no idea what it would feel like to lose someone so precious. And I guess that's a good thing. We wouldn't wish it on anyone. And we're strong, so we'll cope with the idiots as and when they present themselves.
I went shopping today, even though I'm not supposed to be spending money. I meant to find myself a top with a gift voucher I got for my birthday, but I ended up spending it on clothes for Evelyn. I need to get into Quidco like you - then I can have free stuff too! I have been selling some stuff on ebay, so hopefully at some point that will add up to a top :) My mum made me a lovely teal maxi skirt from jersey material, but I don't seem to have anything that goes with it. She's so good at making things. I'm a bit gutted I never learnt to sew - but I guess it's never too late! Going into some of those shops was like travelling back in time. The clothes racks are basically the same as they were in the 90s and I could only afford a nail varnish.
Hope you're having a good weekend. Love you big time,
Kat xxx
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