Dear Bestie
Sorry I haven't written in a while - I went to Dorset last week to stay with my aunts and I didn't take my computer with me. How are you? I think about you a lot. Sometimes I look at Evelyn and I think 'oh, that looks like an Eilys smile!' I guess maybe it's a general baby girl smile - I don't think our girls share DNA (not going to rule it out, since we do have the same brain) - but it makes me both happy and sad to remember Eilys and I can't imagine how it makes you feel. There were lots of butterflies in Dorset. They seemed happy. I don't know how you can tell the emotional state of a butterfly, but surely if they're not happy they probably sit in and watch Netflix like everyone else.
As for wallowing, yes, absolutely. I have a copy of my labour notes from Brandon's delivery and I read them every now and again, which only upsets me. But I like the reminder that it happened and it was real. Mourning him always makes me feel closer to him, which is a sorry state of affairs, but sometimes it's just what I need. You have to be selfish right now and do whatever gets you through the day. What you're going through is impossible. The fact that you get yourself out of bed in the morning is to your credit.
Did you have fun at your parents'? I had such a nice time in Dorset, largely because it was like an all inclusive holiday. No cooking, no cleaning, no nagging. Oh, for a life without nagging. Any advice on that front?
I feel like we should have a theme to this blog. Like, which TV show has your day been most like. Or something easier. My day has been like some really boring documentary. Doctors. Dentist. Swimming. Flyering for the ball. Even a fly on the best, comfiest wall in town would go elsewhere for better viewing.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the long pause and I love you lots.
Speak soon,
Kat xxxxx
Sorry I haven't written in a while - I went to Dorset last week to stay with my aunts and I didn't take my computer with me. How are you? I think about you a lot. Sometimes I look at Evelyn and I think 'oh, that looks like an Eilys smile!' I guess maybe it's a general baby girl smile - I don't think our girls share DNA (not going to rule it out, since we do have the same brain) - but it makes me both happy and sad to remember Eilys and I can't imagine how it makes you feel. There were lots of butterflies in Dorset. They seemed happy. I don't know how you can tell the emotional state of a butterfly, but surely if they're not happy they probably sit in and watch Netflix like everyone else.
As for wallowing, yes, absolutely. I have a copy of my labour notes from Brandon's delivery and I read them every now and again, which only upsets me. But I like the reminder that it happened and it was real. Mourning him always makes me feel closer to him, which is a sorry state of affairs, but sometimes it's just what I need. You have to be selfish right now and do whatever gets you through the day. What you're going through is impossible. The fact that you get yourself out of bed in the morning is to your credit.
Did you have fun at your parents'? I had such a nice time in Dorset, largely because it was like an all inclusive holiday. No cooking, no cleaning, no nagging. Oh, for a life without nagging. Any advice on that front?
I feel like we should have a theme to this blog. Like, which TV show has your day been most like. Or something easier. My day has been like some really boring documentary. Doctors. Dentist. Swimming. Flyering for the ball. Even a fly on the best, comfiest wall in town would go elsewhere for better viewing.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the long pause and I love you lots.
Speak soon,
Kat xxxxx
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